Today my Cracked article about Statistically Shitty Stereotypes ran. 2 entries were cut, so I am posting them here. Enjoy:
The Netherlands are a crazy drug haven
Where have we seen it:
In many movies and TV shows like “Euro Trip”, “European Gigolo” and even “Hostel”, but more importantly in the dreams and blogs of every college drop-out [...]

There I was, minding my own business, chatting up this really fine girl. Things were going well and I was about to take her to my place when all of a sudden this huge guy appears out of nowhere and throws me out of the Morgue, threatening to call the Police if I show up [...]

I’ve been working on a hard-boiled detective story. Here is the first chapter:

It was a sunny and warm night, the kind of night you usually expect to be an afternoon. Come to think of it, it probably was an afternoon, what with the Sun still being up and everything. I was sitting by the dinner [...]

They say brilliant ideas can strike at any time, which proved very true for me. So there I was amidst my quadruple murder trial after purchasing a shotgun and seeing a Nike commercial which told me to “Just do it”. The prosecution was going on and on about “heinous crime” this and “both women were [...]

Same as the rest of you, I also once feared the reality of one day becoming old. It wasn’t just about my nut sack sagging below the knees (though that was definitely in the top 5 of my worries) but more about the choices I longer will have. What if after turning 50 I will [...]

Seeing as I am now poorer than Hobo McPoorperson after blowing all my money on colorful hats and fancy bed spreads (which are my code words for cocaine and Filipino love-slaves), I no longer can afford a car. I would rather start flossing with used tampon-strings than to take the bus, and I happen to [...]

Ever since the first days of the internet, Men–or rather horny 14 year olds–of the heterosexual inclination, have asked themselves the question: does watching “she-male on female” action make me gay? Let us explore that concept.
The first question we must ask ourselves, is why do we like porn at all. The answer is simple, because [...]

Bombing for Peace is like fucking for Virginity, said the unwashed hippy. Get a job, said Arkard.
The above quote is a one that has bugged me for a long time because it’s so wrong. How the hell do you plan to get more virgins without fucking? The horizontal foxtrot is the only reasonable way to [...]

In the summer of 2004 my younger brother found my porn folder. On my password protected computer, hidden inside a 5 layer folder tree in the WINDOWS directory, labeled “Drivers”. Crafty little bastard ain’t he? Not that it matters because a) I can now look back on this and laugh and b) they will never [...]

So, some of you might have heard that someone has recently discovered a porn spoof of Mona Lisa probably painted by da Vinci himself or one of his student. Surprisingly, this is not the first instance of the famous Mona showing some boob. Apparently, nuder and nuder versions of da Vinci’s famous paintings have been [...]